Successfully balancing the responsibilities of a demanding career with those of a happy family has been likened to both walking a tightrope and juggling. The twin tasks require skill, focus, and determination. There’s no one who has learned that lesson better than California-based attorney Robert L. McKenna III, who tackles high-profile liability defense cases on the work front and the duties of being a single father of two on the home front.
Consider the much-quoted Sept. 6, 1991 Georgia Tech commencement speech delivered by then Coca-Cola CEO Brian Dyson: “Imagine a life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them work, family, health, friends, and spirit… You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.”
The good news, per none other than near-ubiquitous entertainment icon/entrepreneur Oprah Winfrey is, “You can have it all — just not all at once.”
But how do you achieve having it all? Robert L. McKenna III believes as long as you’re mindful of your priorities, flexible when it comes to change, and committed to your family, keeping the glass balls in the air is a manageable feat — and one that can bring great fulfillment.
Learning the Value of Quality of Time Versus Quantity of Time
“We think, mistakenly, that success is the result of the amount of time we put in at work, instead of the quality of time we put in.” — Arianna Huffington, Greek-American author, columnist, publishing entrepreneur
If the COVID-19 pandemic has had any silver lining at all, it’s been the ways in which the dynamics of the workplace and family time have co-mingled — for many, irrevocably. While this evolving hybrid archetype has resulted in a “brave new world” for working parents, Robert McKenna says making the best of a blended environment requires being willing to pivot and adapt with changing needs.
In the pre-COVID model, employees often found themselves making the tradeoff between long commutes and quality of life. However, the rise of a distributed workforce led to revelations that were as much life-affirming as they were life-changing. “It’s worked out very well for a lot of people who, due to the economic climate, live far away from their jobs,” says McKenna.
“Suddenly, they didn’t have to make that commute every single day. If you get back 20 hours every week that you don’t have to spend in traffic, you’re going to be a happy person.” Sure, some of those extra 20 hours a week can be plowed back into your company but the bulk of those hours can be invested in quality time spent with your family.
Luckily for McKenna and his firm Kjar, McKenna & Stockalper, LLP, not only was the savvy partner able to foresee and prepare for the change, he actually embraced it. “I think the saving grace for us was just not necessarily being lucky enough to be open-minded enough to recognize that change might be coming but to see it as a great opportunity to do an inventory of our processes. We found out where we actually needed people and how we could streamline things. So, in a way, just being open to change really gave us an opportunity to come out on top,” McKenna says
The unexpected upside of having a distributed workforce quickly revealed other benefits as well. “For firms, especially the ones that did a good job getting everybody remote early on, it became clear that most people can get their job done remotely,” McKenna explains, “and without a decline in productivity or work product.”
At a time when other companies were struggling with downsizing and loss of critical personnel, McKenna says thanks to their forward-thinking off-site work policy, his firm actually grew during the pandemic.
“Folks wanted to work at a place that respected their health and the health of their loved ones,” he recalls. “We found that the experienced people could manage their time and their work.” In an effort to retain their new hires, Kjar, McKenna & Stockalper adopted a three-days-home, two-days-on in the office workweek which has so far met with resounding approval.
Learn To Appreciate Your Blessings
“Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.” — Dolly Parton, entertainer, songwriter, entrepreneur, philanthropist
When the pandemic hit, Robert McKenna had been on the single parent track for seven or so years. “It was just me and my kids,” he recalls. Although his sister did move close by to help him transport his children from school and to extracurricular activities, he says parenting duties were essentially his.
“When school shut down, I sent everybody to work remotely and I brought my kids into the office and set them up,” McKenna recalls. The fact that his son, Matthew, was a high school junior and his daughter, Katie was a sophomore made the transition easier. “They’re very tech savvy and they were mature enough to get by without a lot of supervision.”
The offices have windows, so McKenna could monitor his kids during the day but he says the best part of his restructured workplace was just being able to be with his kids. “I never would have had the opportunity to have lunch with my kids every day, Monday through Friday,” he admits gratefully. “It was just the three of us, and I spent more time with them… it was just a blessing, really.”
Making A Conscious Effort To Be There For Your Kids
“You will never find time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.” — Charles Buxton, 19th-Century brewer, philanthropist, author, member of British Parliament
Whether you prefer the analogy of keeping juggling balls in the air or prefer to think of life as a game of checks, balances, and evolving strategy, Robert McKenna says the winning formula requires conscious, consistent effort. In order to harmoniously blend your schedule with your family’s schedule, follow these rules:
- Free up time by deciding which work-related events you must handle yourself and which can be delegated to others.
- Import the important dates and events from your family’s calendars to yours.
- Block out time and make yourself available to your family.
- Don’t let yourself be guilted or pressured into falling back into an “I’m on-call 24/7” work mentality.
Robert McKenna reports while a win in the work column is always appreciated, many of his most fulfilling life experiences have been those times he spent nurturing and mentoring his children. Again, he cites allowing himself to think beyond dated stereotypes with helping him succeed.
While it wasn’t unusual for him to be a Boy Scout leader, as a single dad, McKenna also was flexible enough to embark on a similar role with the Girl Scouts for Katie. “It was great,” he recalls. “There were 14 girls, 13 moms, and me who would go on campouts. We did that for probably about five years.”
McKenna explains that since, technically, men weren’t allowed within a hundred yards of a Girl Scout encampment, he always set himself up at a nearby campsite that was still close enough so he was able participate in their daily activities. “It was nice for me, and it made Katie feel really special that I did that for her,” he says.
Sharing time with his daughter and the Girl Scouts also afforded McKenna an opportunity to turn his personal experience into a teachable moment. McKenna notes learning the proper way to retire an American flag is a ceremony that’s long been part of the Boy Scout syllabus. It was something he’d been able to pass along to his son, and he felt the patriotic tradition was something that should be shared with his daughter and her scout mates as well.
“There are a certain number of steps you go through to retire a flag,” McKenna explains. “I’d done it with the Boy Scouts, but I wanted to teach the girls how to do it as well, so I introduced it over on the Girl Scouts side.”
The final and most important piece of advice Robert McKenna has to offer about being a mindful parent is this: “Make time while you have time because if you blink, it’s over, and you’re never going to get your kids’ childhoods back.” It’s something he noticed not long ago, right about the time Matthew learned to drive.
“Once your oldest kid starts driving, your life will fundamentally change in ways you did not anticipate,” he says, “and in some ways, for the better.” Once Matthew had a car, he was able to get his sister and himself to school, as well as “every practice, every dentist appointment, every everything,” says McKenna. As a working father, it meant a lot less juggling, but as “Dad,” it meant his kids were growing up and would soon be leaving the nest.
“It’s bittersweet,” McKenna admits. “They’re 19 and 18 now, and they’ve just grown into such lovely people… so I think I must have been doing something right.”