If someone you love is ill, and nearing death, there are some conversations you’ll want to have with them before the end. Death is a difficult time, no less so because it means an end of communication. As their passing nears, there are some practical things you’ll want to discuss with your loved one, and some more personal things as well.
Take Your Cues From Them
If your loved one isn’t ready to talk about death yet, don’t push it. Sooner or later, they’ll likely open up to the conversation. They want to have these conversations too, but they may not be willing to face them at a moment’s notice. They may want to laugh and talk casually most of the time, but if they make a suggestive comment, like not being around for a future event, you can try to lead in, then.
Discuss Their Burial
Not every conversation regarding a loved one’s death may be personal. You’ll also want to make sure you understand their burial wishes. While it can seem like a weird conversation to have, it will often make your loved one feel better. They’ll know that you care enough to honor their preferences, and this conversation can be a great way to ease the tension. It’s not as emotional; it’s more of a straightforward conversation about practical steps. You can discuss the options at hand, such as donating their body to science, embalming, or cremation services in Massachusetts or New Hampshire. You can select a funeral provider together, taking a load off of both your minds.
Say Sorry
Once the less personal details are taken care of, you might want to try to have those harder conversations. Now is the time to express remorse for past events and behaviors. If you have regrets, be upfront and ask for their forgiveness. Don’t expect them to likewise say sorry. Just do your part and expect nothing more, making this not about mutual understanding, but a personal step in letting go of some of those regrets. Voicing them can be powerful.
Say I Forgive You
If your loved one chooses to meet your level of openness, they may also express regrets and ask for forgiveness. This is a wonderful opportunity for you to express forgiveness and help remove some of those unresolved issues. Your loved one may not be able to ask for forgiveness, however, but you can still forgive them silently. That moment of expressing forgiveness in their presence, even if not out loud, can be a powerful experience.
Say Thank You and I Love You
There will be a few more things you want to say to your loved one, before they pass. Forgiveness is the hardest topic to express with a passing loved one, and once you’ve confronted it, you’ll find that the remaining conversations are easier. Going forward, you can focus on telling them you love them, and thanking them for the good they brought into your life. Together, you can make sure there are few, if any, things that go unsaid.
