Redefining Yourself after Divorce

It may seem like an odd thought to wrap our heads around, that following divorce is a time for growth instead of a time for sorrow. Many people take divorce as a sense of loss, a sense of failure, and it is often a hit to their sense of self and self-esteem, but it does not need to be. In life, we will constantly have various relationships that do not work out: friendships, work relationships, dating relationships, and even marital relationships. People place so much weight on the failure of a marriage, that is can feel like the ultimate loss, and the ultimate blow to their self-esteem. However, if we choose to learn and grow from the experience, we can turn what would be a negative, into a giant positive.

Also, divorce can bring with it a lot of difficulties, especially when it comes to selling a house and moving out. It’s a difficult time emotionally, and the logistics of the process can be overwhelming. In situations like this, it’s important to have someone you can rely on to make the process easier. A lot of companies can help you during this difficult time. For example, HeyOffer company buys houses in PA, in any condition, so you don’t have to worry about repairs or renovations.

Every negative or positive experience that we have in our life is a chance to learn something, about ourselves, and about others. Every time something does not work out the way we want it, is a chance to learn from our mistakes, and redefine what we want. Sometimes things don’t work out, because what we wanted at the start has changed. Think of the course of a long relationship. Who we were, and what we wanted years before, is often quite different than what we want now. If we stop and really look at why things did not work out, we would often realize that they could not work, because who we each are, and what we each want has changed, and is not in line with each other anymore. That means that the end of relationship is not a failure, but a chance to be honest, and a chance to clearly define our wants and needs.

Reflecting on the end of relationship gives us an amazing chance for growth, renewal and hope. We can look at things we did not like about the relationship itself, and even ourselves in the relationship. The latter is very important point, as if we can look at ourselves honestly, but not critically, we can change things that we do not like about ourselves, and that have, perhaps, impacted our relationships in the past. This is our chance to evaluate who we were, who we are, and who we wish to be. To ask ourselves, what we need to change, and what has changed. If there is a pattern or character trait that we do not like, now is the time to change it, and change is within our control. Making these changes is going to make us emotionally healthy, strong, and a better partner to someone new. People read off us how we feel about ourselves. Confidence attracts quality and respect, while lack of confidence attracts a person who may be less than desirable.

Another very important piece, post-break-up, is to evaluate what we are now looking for in a partner. Often the reason the relationship that ended did not work out, was because each person changed, and each person’s wants and needs changed as well. This is no fault of either party, but is a natural occurrence with growth and maturity. Being able to step back and realize why the relationship did not work, as well as what it is that we genuinely want and need in our lives now, is a recipe for success. You may be interested in counseling to help you nail out the details and hard parts, to talk it out is to feel it and to feel it is to have what you need to resolve it. It gives a clear view of who we are, what we need, and who we want to be with. Often people are surprised, once they clearly define what they are looking for, that the person comes into their lives, or perhaps they were there all along. The important thing is to not let the end of the relationship make you feel like it is the end of everything, and instead look at it as an opportunity for new beginnings, growth, and greater happiness. That you will know that this is what you want, and what you deserve, because we all do.

Dr. Nikki Martinez, Psy.D. LCPC, Contributor [Tele-health counselor for, Adjunct Professor, Consultant, and Writer]

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